As my many years of practice show again and again, many "unsolvable" couple issues arise due to problematic attachment styles. The partners react too insecurely, too avoidably or too fearfully instead of giving "secure responses". Moreover successful communication depends on dealing with the negative and positive emotions in the relationship. And last but not least, positive proximity within attachment relationships does not fall from the sky. And likewise, anyone who thinks that momentary negative proximity disappears all by itself has either been lucky or had a partner who has taken over the work for both.

Attachment relationships belong to our deepest human needs

You may have wondered why certain couples have fewer problems communicating emotions and other couples have more. Quite simply, couples with fewer problems have had their exercises in the past. Through the bonds and relationships with which they grew up and through which they were able to grow as adults.

You may not have had these "natural" exercise opportunities.

Positive proximity within attachments does not fall from the sky. Anyone who believes that closeness comes about on its own (and if not, then it's the wrong partner) has either been lucky so far or had a partner who has taken on much of the work behind it. Psychological work is needed. The couple's exercises are intended to provide guidance.

Attachment Requires Dedication, Attention, and Time

Adult relationships share certain needs with the relationships we already had with our parents as children: getting attention and presence exclusively, love, security, being really important for each other, understanding, comforting... And yet as adults we all too often hide this "child within us" from each other. As primary caregiver for children, we have innate predispositions to behave in a way that is more or less in line with our attachment to the child. In an adult relationship we seem to show secure attachment behaviour less spontaneously. That is why we need relationship skills, conscious commitment, attention and time!

Relational Skills 

The exercises and coping suggestions are intended to help you as a couple and as an individual partner to improve your relationship skills and your ability to deal with emotions within your attachment relationship.

Attachment Styles

Besides the successful communication of emotions, the attachment styles sometimes play an all-decisive role in a couple relationship. Attachment styles are deeply rooted patterns of how someone experiences closeness and whether, in the case of problems in a relationship, closeness is seen more as a resource or more as a stress factor. If love, care and appreciation are to prevail in a long-lasting partnership, then a secure attachment style is of great advantage.

Literature: The human as a practising, training being, one that creates itself through exercises. See Peter Sloterdijk: You Must Change Your Life. Suhrkamp, 2009 (↗).