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Origin of the Attachment Theory and the Concept of Attachment Styles

In the 1950s, two psychologists, John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth (), established through mother-child experiments that toddlers show three typical reaction patterns when the mother returns to her toddler after she remained out of sight and reach for a certain time.

Certain children can be rather easily reassured during the mother's absence. They seek closeness to their mother when she reappears. They quickly feel secure.

A second group of children seems to hardly notice the mother's absence and needs little reassurance in the meantime. When the mother returns to the room, these children almost seem to ignore the mother somehow. They avoid the immediate closeness and cover up the insecurity.

A third group is worried as soon as the mother is gone and can hardly be reassured by another adult during the mother's absence. When the mother returns, these children remain nervous and screaming for a relatively long time. These children react anxiously and insecurely.

This experiment was repeated countless times with thousands of toddlers all over the world (!). From these experiments emerged a solid data basis for the attachment theory and attachment styles formulated by Bolwby and Ainsworth.

In humans there is an innate mechanism that controls the attachment behaviour. The mechanism manifests itself in different forms: the so-called attachment styles. Among other things, the attachment style depends on the relationship between caregivers and the toddler. Depending on this, a secure or rather insecure attachment style will unfold.

Three attachment styles in adulthood: secure, avoidant-insecure or anxious-insecure

Bowlby and Ainsworth distinguished between three attachment styles in their mother-child experiments: the secure style, the insecure avoidant style, and the insecure anxiousstyle.

In the late 1980s, Mary Main's research added a fourth attachment style: Mary Main called this style the "disorganized attachment style".

Normally, however, in the context of adults, we speak primarily of the secure, anxious, and avoidant style of attachment ().

The attachment style that develops in childhood is preserved as a psychological heritage in adulthood, although later experiences may lead to changes in attachment styles. The "working model" of our attachment behaviour, however, is mostly conserved as a prototype ().

Good matches - bad matches seen from the perspective of attachment theory

Based on the theory of attachment, it is possible to predict which matches between adults will cause more and which fewer problems. If two adults get to know each other and become a couple, then there are also two attachment styles always meeting each other. The following attachment styles fit together relatively well, in decreasing order:

• secure + secure
• secure + anxious
• secure + avoidant
• anxious+ anxious

Anxious + anxious can be already quite problematic due to high tension and insecure feelings of their involved attachment style. In the more positive scenario, this leads to a relatively symbiotic relationship, which may well work. The combination "secure + avoidant" also works, although it can be relatively challenging for the "secure" partner. If there are important relationship problems to solve, a lot of patience with the avoider is required.

The following matchings are difficult from the perspective of attachment theory. They often require changes in the behaviour of the partners in order for the attachment to function at all:

• anxious + avoidant
• avoidant +avoidant

Attachment styles are not made of stone - change possible

In the case of adults, however, the psychological heritage from childhood can also be changed on the basis of later experiences. This means that those who were more avoidant as children can change this to a certain extent in favour of a secure style of attachment. What applies to the avoidant style also applies to the anxious attachment style. It, too, can be changed in favour of a more secure attachment style, and this is usually even easier for originally anxious persons than for originally avoidant persons. But it can also turn out to be worse! A person who has acquired a secure style of attachment due to his childhood can suddenly become avoidant or more anxious than he (or she) was originally due to later relationship experiences.

Statistical distribution of attachment styles

The large amount of data on this topic allowed the researchers to estimate how the three attachment styles might be distributed in the adult population. Levine and Heller write that about half of adults have a secure attachment style, about 25% are avoidant and about 20% anxious. The remaining 5% form a mixture of anxious and avoidant ()