Get Better Attached
For Couples, Partners, and Singles
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The test has a total of 30 questions that you can answer with "untrue", "rather true" or "true". When filling in the form, think only of your current (dating) partner.
1. My (dating) partner idealizes his past relationships (or one of them).
UntrueRather trueTrue
2. Threatens to end the relationship quite quickly in case of a conflict. If the conflict is over, the "separation statement" was not really meant seriously.
3. My (dating) partner makes plans with me and implements them. If that is not possible, it immediately becomes a common concern and he (she) looks for alternatives with me.
4. He (she) expresses no fears that a partnership would ultimately amount to wanting each other's money or that a partnership is a "marriage trap".
5. My (dating) partner wants to hear my opinion before he (she) decides anything.
6. Is afraid to disclose personal secrets or confidential information and prefers to keep things to himself (herself)
7. Agrees very early in the relationship to move in together or to spend all the time together and has trouble accepting or agreeing to a slower approach.
8. My (dating) partner belongs to those persons who quickly establish physical contact of their own accord (e.g. holding hands, walking close together, looking for eye contact, kissing, caressing etc.)
9. He (she) expresses no fundamental fears that being with a partner would restrict freedom or occupy too much of his or her own "territory".
10. My (dating) partner is rather distant and reserved, but also noticeably vulnerable. I find this combination attractive, by the way..
11. Fears that trivialities or small oversights could ruin the relationship.
12. My (dating) partner speaks of sexual fidelity as something fundamentally limiting.
13. Asks a lot about what it was like with my former partners to compare with them.
14. (S)he has been with me for a long time, but does not say of his own accord that he (she) loves me. At best, (s)he just says "me too."
15. To my dating partner the following sentence fits: "I need a lot of freedom in a relationship"
16. For my (dating) partner, relationship and commitment is not something "strenuous" or "too much work". Relationship is something self-evident and central in his (her) life.
17. When I return home tired from work and I am too exhausted to talk, my (dating) partner feels insecure whether I still love him (her).
18. Is very alert and would like to be informed in detail what you are doing and when and with whom etc.
19. My (dating) partner tells me if something strains him in the relationship instead of being silent and suddenly acting puzzling.
20. My (dating) partner is afraid that I will "manipulate" him (her) into marriage.
21. Future plans always remain vague. For example, when you will see each other again, when you will move in together, when you will introduce each other to your parents or your most important friends, whether you go to the party together or planning holiday together.
22. Promises are kept. Promises that are not kept are explained in detail and honestly by my (dating) partner.
23. He (she) is willing to introduce me to his friends and family.
24. In a conflict he (she) also takes the time to reflect my point of view. It is rather easy for him (her) to accept that there could be an other side to it.
25. When we're not together, my (dating) partner calls or writes too often. To prevent protests I write back quickly and constantly.
26. Tells me calmly and straightforwardly how close he (she) feels to me.
27. I perceive despair in my (dating) partner that (s)he absolutely wants to be in a partnership, even if (s)he claims the opposite.
28. My (dating) partner is still hurt long after a dispute and does not forget anything. However, I only discover this by chance and much later.
29. Forges plans that will change his life (e.g. to go abroad) without openly discussing what this means for our relationship. Quickly plans smaller projects just for him/herself.
30. My (dating) partner often expects me to see signs of anger, joy or expects me to guess a need without him (her) talking about it. If I don't succeed, my (dating) partner can react very disappointed and become annoyed.
